saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
