Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
