so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
