Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
