I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
