How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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