Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
