I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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