Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
