I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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