just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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