dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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