who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
