I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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