I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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