there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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