My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
