Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
