i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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