As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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