i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
