but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
