this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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