Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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