Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
