is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
