we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
