i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
