i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
