Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
