How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
