WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
