they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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