also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
