I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
