He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
