You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
