sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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