hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You are the jesus of drinking
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
