shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
