Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
