He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
