He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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