I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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