Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
