He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
