please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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