we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
