how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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