I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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