I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
