You work out of a Hotel?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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