well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
