i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize