DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
