fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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