I smell stomach acid.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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