I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
