I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
