Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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