So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize