I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
