Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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