Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
