he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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