just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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