He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
