but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
