I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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