I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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