I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
