Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
