His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
