I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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