You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
