Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
