If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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