OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
