It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
