my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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