Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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