He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
