I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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