I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
