As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize