Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
