I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
