I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
