hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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