First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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