If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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