dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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