hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Barsexuality is the new black.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
