Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
