You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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