I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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