her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
