I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
