After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
