YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
