remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
