help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
