oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
