She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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