I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
