Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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