i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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