Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
